back at this again?
i'm not a perfect woman, i'm trynna do, the best that i can...
but sometimes i just want to kick myself with my exquisite (kinky?) boots because i find myself stuck in the same cycles over and over.
grrr..just when i thought i had the relationship thing licked. and i do because i finally have someone who is understanding and caring and hot and funny and intelligent and hot and knows how to talk to me in that way that only men born in brooklyn can....but i'm not completely out of the red zone because i still find myself falling into the same traps of non-communication or mis-communication and the general bullshit of flux....but luckily the relationship box in my life is one that is unequivocally checked permanently and is one that offers good stimulation to my medula oblongata.
it's that pesky "what are you gonna do with your life" question that seems to be creeping up again, and once again, it centers around this move that i've been waiting and wanting to make but procrastinating on it for so freaking long that now i'm afraid. but too fucking bad, self, we're doing this and we're going to like it. for the most part, it's just not happening fast enough.
i need to have faith in myself as a writer and take the necessary steps to believe enough to invest in my career. this means i need to buy a computer. i need to freelance. i need to set it up so that i can actually get jobs this way because they're already coming to me.
i really need for this to be the last LAST time i do retail so that i'm not bursting into tears on the way to work again at the thought of touching or arranging soup in any state or capacity. the same way that i was bursting into tears on the way to arranging baby shirts. the same way i was bursting into tears on the way to arranging adult shirts and fucking ugly sweatsuits.
i'm so glad that people in montreal don't wear their workout gear outside.
i need to go home and listen to spaceships now.
just wanted to vent. i'm ok now. taking the strides i need to.
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