love jones
ok, so i'm starting to wonder myself, if i may be a bit schitzophrenic. maybe i just have a very short turnaround time on retrospect. am i just easily swept up in the emotions of those who (i love) are quick to tempt me into following my rash notions?
i am NOT moving, thanks to all the concerned responses to my posting on friendster. i have to just giggle a little (and look back to see my ass wiggle) that i was willing to engage in such lease breaking, ana-stesia forsaking running away to Main St. just like that. drop of a freaking hat. the idea was charming in the moment, but come on, i'm older and know better than that..
(sigh) i think that my friends are lucky to have me around, for plenty of reasons, but none more pertinent than my love life serves to be comic relief as well as fodder for vicarious living for many who are not as willing or ready to act in such silly palpitations of the heart, over and over again. the irony is though, that you can only receive love to the extent that you can give it. and, as i suspected, i was not proven wrong magically this time. i was not/am not willing to commit, and i fell in love with someone else who is not/can not commit. i say that i can mark a growth because i handled this reality a lot better this time and didn't freak out and cry. in a lot of ways, this had to happen, and who am i to tempt fate and expect to win? i am grateful though, that my last memories of times shared will be of being held until i fell asleep in his arms, tender touching of my face, and staring thru my eyes to that other window, and knowing truths, both unspoken and spoken. even the ones that suck. who knows? maybe this is just the beginning of the movie for both of us. i forget the middle but i guess i'm about to live thru it.
i had a great time teaching yesterday, my energy was back and due to a few new tactics, i can see that this is something that's definitely worth my energy. all4now.
