f*ck the sh*t, LIFE happens
so u know you're getting older when...
or maybe we should think of it as getting wiser, and gaining experience, and learning from those experiences because that's what classifies as growth. kinda like not having a lot of money, but knowing what to do with the money you have.
the longer we stay in this life, the more we should become open to the possibilities and realities of our existence.
i'm gonna go on one of those.."i never thought i would"...road. like mos def and common say, "never say never because to say never say never you done said never twice". and like chris rock says, whatever you hate will end up in your family.
so i never thought i would be able to use tampons or contact lenses...i got both licked, and last week, at the same time.
i never thought that i would have a working relationship with my father, but i guess he's learned a few things too with his years, mellowed out, and i've learnt not to let the past get caught up, or to hold on too much to settling scores.
i never thought that i would want to pursue a job that actually pertains to my degree, and now i know that i must and that that is what i'm doing. that is what will make me happy, make me feel like i'm doing something important. i never thought i would be strong enough to try to get past the copout.
i never thought i would go back to the piano. i never thought i could play jazz. i never thought that i would forgive myself for not applying myself to the music. i do. i never thought that i would actually succumb to the meal ticket that the instrument was seemingly providing for me a year ago. i never thought i could be exploited by someone who i trusted and respected. i never thought i would forget that i knew all along that that was the type of person that she is. i never knew how easy it would be to get that reality check on a beautiful summer night in new york city. i never thought that i would forgive myself for not really believing that that's the way i should go. i do. i don't count out the possibility. i never thought i would contemplate selling my first set of keys. i am. i should. it's holding me back and i have to let it go.
i'm stressed, my skin won't let me forget it. my body won't let me forget it. i need to de-tox. i need to let go, i need to prioritize. i need to get right. i need to go back to the basics. i have to trust in love. i need to trust in instinct.
i have to take one of the biggest risks of my life. it's going to be one of the most important things that i do. it seems like the easiest, simplest thing that i'm going to do.
i never thought that i would believe in love. i never thought that i would not believe in love. romantic love seemed to be impossible to me. i stopped settling, i stopped fooling myself, i stopped selling myself short, and then it found me. he found me. and we haven't looked back since.
i never knew that there could be one. i never fully believed in fidelity, in marriage, in futures, in eternity. and then he asks me an hour ago "do you want to be with me forever?" and without a doubt, i told him "yes". and it brought a few tears of joy out of my ducts...and i still want to be that duck. werd.
i never believed in moving for love. but then the key to all these things is that you don't believe until you do. and i'm still the same, i haven't really changed, i am loyal, until i'm not. but this time, i don't see an end in sight.
i never believed my mortality until my head was smashed open and stiched back again with 8 stiches. i never believed in exams until i had the greatest experience of my life when i got my jazz performance degree from the LCM. i never believed in love until i embraced it seven months ago. i never believed i would be robbed until i got off the plane and saw it. i always believed that it might be so simple and now i'm finally trying to let my vision coincide with my actuality. and tell my dad. whew.
