hero
i've been trying to wake up when my body tells me to and resist the urge to lounge, but i love to lounge! i don't set the alarm on days off though, so i came down the ladder and expected it to be later, but it wasn't, it was only 8:15. i hiked off to get my dose, and did my lounging air drying and reading my book.
i finished it (Coffee and Kung Fu by Karen Brichoux) on the bus to Richmond, and it was pretty good, summing up how i've been feeling lately in terms of life, love, family, and not settling for what's easy or convienient if you're not doing what you love and loving what you do. sometimes, you have to be rash and take a trip and a risk...(sigh).
i went to my old stomping grounds of the Richmond Public Library and ended up listening to John Legend and checking out in particular a recommended track, "Ordinary People"...yep. I listened to Sweetback's second too, and the track with Ivana Santilli blows my mind, "Love is the Word"...such an inspiring track, i listened to it a few times...samples Grease and that old song, "What you won't do for love"...oldie but goodie...the jist? "I came back to let you know, I gotta thing for love, and I can't let go/it's in my soul"..."what good am i to anyone else if i can't love myself?"...indeed.
i waited around for the dad's wife to pick me up, but i wasn't mad that she was late, and ended up having her wait for me as i read the new Vibe mag at the grocery store, guess we're even there. we're making peace, i guess. she says that if you want good things out of life, you gotta put good things in, and i totally agree with that. i guess i just can't see where if she thinks that's true why she keeps trying to change my dad. but it's still fun to be there for the co-conspirital glances across the kitchen when they "banter". there's a poetry contest in the vibe, and this month's topic is "sunshine", go figure..so i'ma win that damn contest...just gotta write me a poem first, but i'm sure i'll be hit with some kind of epiphany soon.
came home and my daddy was there already, so i guess he knew i wanted to talk to him and we hung out in the garage and we had a long talk about life, hardship, and work (since i basically had to tell him i have no money again, and that i quit my job). he continues to make me cry in a good way, i think in the past year and the past month especially we've become so much closer, and he told me that he supports my music teaching profession because "i know you're not the 9-5 office type. i see this as a good fit for you because then you'll have time to do creative things, and you need to do that". who would've thought that my dad could see me as true as i am? he's pushing me to do it, and to do it for me because it isn't gonna be for anyone else, and to suck it up and not look at the situation so negatively, but as an investment. he explained that pride has been a foolish vex in the family, and sometimes, it needs to be swallowed to maintain professionalism and patience and hard work will win through in the end.
he told me candidly how his marriage to my mother fell apart because he was trying to balance work and immigration, buying a home, her past relationship staying in touch, his family coming, and their first and only born child (yours truly) all coming at the same time. he admitted that he didn't have it in him at the time to explain his position about his job and his plan as well as he did to me in the garage just then, but he didn't have it all figured out then. funny how retrospect works.
he did this all while i helped him (well, i handed him the veggies and opened the can of coconut milk) prepare the most sumptious malaysian salmon curry he personally adapted to include eggplant, zucchini, okra and tomatoes. that's where i see his creativity come out, and it always has been there..i must have got it from someplace, right?
well, this is getting long, so in short, my father is my hero, and it's obvious that i have to heed the advice and good sense that i know better than to ignore and grab what's out there for me and make the most of my life..i've been slacking for a bit, but retail does that to you...and more immediately than that, i got a two piece today! very neopolitan and sexy, if i do say so myself...might have to get my sugapie to take me to the lake on sunday if the pool's not an outdoor....8 days to nyc! all4now.
