counting my blessings
wow...it's been an emotional couple of days for me...i've been stressed because i'm leaving my job soon, i'm going to new york soon, and i've been thrown off my rocker because i'm not exactly sure about my situation after, but i think that that's good for me, to be a bit shocked. i think i have this inherent need to just push myself into behaving rashly every now and again so that i can test my survival skills, but like DC said....and btw, i have michelle and beyonce on my myspace, heehee..just gotta find kelly for the trilogy!
i've had to examine my relationships lately, or my lack thereof...but in terms of love like ones, i'm just gonna have to let them be...and trust that everything happens for a reason. i've been down this road too many times before to overthink it...all i know is that the one that i thought would be there isn't, the one that never was still remains so, the one i wouldn't expect is actually coming through when i need him (for various purposes...shit, i don't think we'll ever be together together, but we may just have some damn kids...) and that ex that i would consider going back to, is around to joke about marriage and such...(sigh). whatever. i'll just work with what's feasible and tangible for now...
i had the greatest talk with my dad the other night when i was freaking out about my exam, and he told me that he was always in my corner and that he loved me and sometimes we're not successful right away, but it's ok..and it was sooo amazing. if only he could've been there for me like that, or he could've been able to express something so simple when i was in highschool, or maybe if i could've been willing or able to listen to him then, then it would be ok...but it's never too late, and i feel like it was all worth it.
so, this exam, i may have bombed completely, but meeting this adjudicator was an amazing and inspiring experience for me because he was so accomodating and helpful and put me at ease, showed me a few things, and said some reassuring things, i felt great about bombing it...like when laurel bowman failed my paper in third year, but told me that it was the best paper she read in 8 classes of grading...that's the kind of shit that life's about. it makes me want to get off this procrastination rotation station already and become a real musician though, better believe that. for sure. well, just had to blog about that and i'm gonna go now, and try to organize my trip to victoria for wednesday.
oh, visited the rhs the other day and decided to take english 12 in summer school with the legend known as remi vicente....aaahh! all4now. love you all!
