a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

rock and a hard place.

(sigh) i'm trying not to buy into the hype that people need sex, but i guess it's nice.

the problem that i am currently faced with is that i am not really at a point where i want to be trolling for new dick (and the fact that nutty people are only attracted to me enough to come after me says that i haven't been single long enough yet) and i don't really want to go back to any of the old dick.

feelings change, expectations get out of control, it's too much drama.

there is one though, the unforgettable one, but it may be hard to proposition.

difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week.

so now i'm back to quoting jay-z?

aaaaahhhhh.

damn.

with a question mark because i'm sure i spelled it wrong and can't be bothered to spell check my personal blog-ya, that's right, sue me.

just a quicky to say that i think that it is poor form to go through all the hoopla of setting up a first date, get a girl excited about small texts, then cancel.

you can have all the good reasons in the world, it's still not a good way to start off, with nothing but excuses.

that's just me, maybe i am a princess after all.

or just difficult.

and unwilling to settle.

or budge.

oi.

it will either be the end of the world, or the turning of a new leaf.

it's agreed that i'ma go on the date, then demote myself two days for it. but there will be reading aloud, how can i resist? there's something to be said for being courted in a polite manner. shy may not be so taboo after all.

i was reminiscing about one of my favorites, mrs. ono with the flatmates the other nite, and i had to smile.

while recounting another story about how as a little girl, i used to meticulously examine the mail (while secretly plotting for the day that it would come addressed to me) and remove the stamps that were still useable and cut them, then soak them and tweak them with nail polish or tape or glue, or whatever they needed to be launched back into the mail system.

i would also go into the 7-eleven and lament the price augmentation of the stamps. i've never seen canada post workers cower at the site of an 8 year old before.

i still do all of this. i can't look at things as an "adult" because there is part of me that resolves to stay a child.

that being said, i've embodied the characteristics of a little old lady since i was a little girl. you know the old ladies that have lived through wars and now know the importance of everything, who save and savour, ration and remember.

yeah. i am that old lady. i've lived through wars. i appreciate and testify, save and savour, cry for injustice, don't use more than my share and never waste, and reflect.

how's that for cyclical?