a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

ok, so maybe not that dramatic, but my "sweet apartment" for "sweet rent" starting in "sweet september" has fallen through. pou pou. shit.

so, it's back to the grind to find a place, but my experience (limited that it may be) here in this city is not to rush it.

 i was asked to move to Toronto, and after spending some great times there this past week, i considered, but i have to make it in this city or at least give it a better go than that...so.

 ah well, jazz fest is now. so i'll think about all of that later. 

cuz otherwise this beat ain't got no/time for you!

baby baby baby, i was just remembering what an influence TLC and especially miz LEFT EYE has been on my life and sound.

i think what i've realized as of late, especially of moving to montreal, is that once again, i'm open to trust and to asking for help if i need it. i think i got so caught up internalizing the lesson of "no one will ever come through for you" bullshit that i was starting to work my life around exactly that.

coming here, i've decided for the first time in a long time, i'm going to have a roomate. i'll live alone for the summer, but once september comes, it's time to get my butt back to the plateau and assume my life with a roomate. she's awesome and it's going to be an adjustment of course, but at least i won't have my first winter here alone in my house. it will be nice to have someone to work with, to make meals with, to talk to, and get to know...

i've just come back from salsa class, and although i feel a bit lumpy compared to the instructor and some of the skinny minis in my class (and i do know better than to compare myself to other women) i found out that i actually trust the comraderie of being in dance/cardio classes with others. it's way better than trying to do your own thing on a cardio machine, but i will set up my appointment with a trainer to get my toning workouts under way again. though even after just a few days, i can see the definition in my arms creeping back, whoo hoo!

so, it's all about community and including yourself and making the most of all the respective communities that you might occupy. that and i've become part of all the communities that have ever embraced me. so, that makes me a bit of a hippie angry black gay man trapped in an asian girl's body who will be writing until one of her friends puts a big spoke through the wheel of her chair rolling down a hill attempting to fly. werd.

i never knew there was, a love like this before.

but yes, the longer i stay here, the more the pieces fall into place, the more confident i am that it was the right decision to make to come to this bustling metropolis we call montreal.

there are so many lovely lovely folks who will be the best support system, i'm sure, and i know that i can make my family as i go along, even when my blood relations are not so, so much at all.

but that's not to say that all of them have been shit, because i have some last minute family members who have stepped in and done more than expected, so let's not dwell on the bad.

i'm gonna do my thang thang and as long as i believe, i will achieve.

i'm gonna go because i have a funny feeling that this blog sounds like dr. phil wrote it.

until next time, gadgets.

i guess it's become like a long-term relationship now, this was the first, and since i started it, i've done other projects and some of them have been flashier and more immediate, but i have to find ways to keep this one new. i have to find ways to keep this one true, i have to find ways to touch all of you, and i have to dedicate at least one shoutout to a cat named "pou pou".

love y'all.