a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

love like this before.

so, i am single until further notice (even if it kills me) because i've always wanted to do it and not just by default (like when folks just thought i was a fat ugly pig in VN) so i'm gonn do it. i know it's early to put out a list of demands, but the following is what i will require for someone to get through. if this list is fulfilled, you know that you can properly step to this girl (this should be interesting to come back to too)

-you know how to spell.

-you gotta know how to talk to me. TONE as well as CONTENT matters.

-no smoking/drinking

-NO mcdonald's or other assorted instant food. know how to throw down in the kitchen on a regular basis and don't take forever doing it.

-be a cunning linguist.  make me wanna reciprocate. nuff said.

- be self-sufficient in terms of gainful employment AND emotionals.

-gotta love the same musics, i can't roll with noone who only gets excited about U2.

-be able to banter about politics in a respectful manner

-be hot and well-dressed. come on, you KNOW this is important

-shared history is good, creating new history is also good

-be born in 1978, 1979/80 (cusp of the goat), 1975, 1983 (can be incarnations of the 12 year cycle after this too, but!)

i know that "until further notice" means that when i can BE this person, i will be ready to DATE this person. good thing i got the first one on lock.  :) 

i remember many things (like all the lines from the two shows that i've ushered for at the theatre...)

but after getting a friend request from VIBE/diddy on myspace four hours after i had a dream that danyel smith hired me, i'm going to put out into the world what i would like to accomplish in terms of my career:

-i want to be paid enough off my writings so that i can call myself a "writer" by profession and not just by nature

-i want to pay off my credit card debt, pay my rent, and live comfortably

-i want to be paid travel expenses to go to NYC once a month to work

- i want to write a book (either a creative autobiography or a research musing on curry, i haven't decided yet)

-i want a keyboard because i miss my piano

-a computer with sound would be nice

-if i have to have a day job, i'd like to work in an area that matters where i can wear my own clothes, now that i got a taste of that, i don't want to give it up, but because the job is contract and i'ma be working for 8 days next month, i better get cracking.

there. hopefully, since i put it out there, things will cement like doggie footprints in concrete. 

Mesmerizing Yet Stupid Popularity contest that Angelica Can't get Enough of.

there, i said it. usually, i'm the last to sip the myspace haterade, but today, i don't know what it is...i'm losing my mind. i'm getting all possessive of my friends that still maintain connex with my ex (not that that's not a great thing, but i'm freakin' sensitive ok?) and i'm insecure about folks who don't have me in their top 8 (i even thought of this as a blogworthy subject) and, in a completely contradictory way, i'm obsessed with purging people from my friendslist.

(sigh). therefore, i hate myspace today.

but most days, i'm ok with it. who am i kidding, tap a vein, i can't live without it. 

in the club last night was WITH ME. that's right, THUNDERHEIST (check their myspace for the trackage, y'all) played their first gig in MO and it was the TO meets Vancoov hip hop (though Isis claimed that she was on her Gnarls Barkley shit) 1LUV borderless city that we are here in the great north.

i brought some girls from work and we shook it up, gotta send love in dj A-rock's direction, shorty can swing my way anytime, if he's gonna play patrice rushen (better believe i won't forget you, not) prince ("everytime i comb my hair, thoughts of you get in my eyes, you're a sinner i don't care, i just want your creamy thighs"-and as an aside, if i'm gonna hear any song twice in one night, how excited am i that it was that one?!) and old janet (what have you done for me lately?!) in his set, he's a friend of mine. and he's such a sweetheart too, "let me give you my mixtape!" when i went to give him daps.

the homie professeur prawns was out from london, ontario, and it was nice to see another vancouver face, along with cassin, and it was a big ol' reunion.

lady may was back in the mix, and we shook it up, but seriously, ISIS did it for me, i'm that girl's groupie for life! her energy was amazing, her dancing was the craziest and i just laughed really hard and rocked out to her mic skills, i really needed that. and grahm was a tease, saying he was gonna name their album after me since it was I that brought them together in the first place (see, myspace isn't THAT much of a crux). i mean, who else is gonna chastise you like this, "who care if he's playing jamie foxx, keep dancing bitch, if you stop dancing, you gots to leave...beat it beat it beat it! soul clap! where's my bidis? what size shoe you wear, i want them boots!" and hell ya, i shook everythang i got to kanye west with my girls in the club, fuck new york, i'm free, bitches!

then, i had the nuttiest idea to pop into rouge, just for a second, because i knew it would be popping, and we got some nostalgia in, PYT and their hit of the week "Feels good"...yes it did..."last nite was so fun, lovin' one on one, i was holding you so tight...now i just might make you my wife", nothing feels better than having a friend you can swoon to old raphael saadiq to...bigup "my name is not Susan", the only thing better woulda been jody watley, or than bangin' new janet track.

but yeah, it was a great start to kickoff my status as "celebataire until further notice". who gotta keyboard?!

i tried, but i couldn't hide it...i just gotta get back to me...uh huh. back to the woman i used to be.

or some kind of updated version, you know how you change (for the better or worse) during the course of a relationship....i guess it's just reality check time.

let's back up, yes, for the record, it's over. i made it to two years (a peu pres) and this is the press release, though i've been searching for an appropriate medium, ironic as THAT is, when you live your relationship on the internet...but i figure, if he can go back to the things that he was doing before, then so can i. if i'm the tipping point to him picking up where he left off, it's what i wanted, to facilitate what's best for both of us, and i decided that that was NOT this relationship right now, and i am dealing with the consequences.

easier said than done. whew. but i have to come to terms with the fact that everything i've known for so long still remains true. i will get into it more (in my journal) but this is just a "welcome back" because sometimes you have to watch a play 12 times in a row to actually get the point of what life is presenting you until you get it. sometimes you have to tell yourself for five years straight that you are going to move east before you just suck it up and do it. sometimes you have to want to be able to make it solo through many relationships before you can actually build yourself up to do it. look how long it took dawn robinson, and didn't she eventually end up back with en vogue?

whitney quit bobby, danyel smith came back to VIBE, chapelle quit and came back, relationships are really just a revolving door, and while it might be "same script, different cast", la vedette remains the same, so here we go again....this is the return, bitches. but let's keep it on the low.

ps. it's funny how the people that i wish would read and comment are in the closet, while the ones that i wish would refrain from taking up my space are the same who can't hold back. i kindly ask you to keep that in mind.....peas.