a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

ya, i got some common sense songs that i need to listen to. thanks to the mosaik for making me giggle through the ruff times.

but i'm pretty much back on track now, i was derailed for a bit coming back, but it's all good. i went to paint something this morning and realized that my paints are gone. so, i'm more curious if the unclefucker that broke into my apartment was someone i know, because who would come in and only take my dvd player and my acrylics? and my manicure kit but that was left behind outside. it was definitely a man due to the big muddy footprint that was left behind, but was it a man that i know? one who i beefed with over dvds the last time i saw him then never heard from again? one who clandestinely reads this here blog? who knows. but why my paints? getting personal?

i went to see "the producers" with the hubby last week, and it was cool. i donned my pink wig and everyone thought it was the real deal hollyfield. the movie was sooo gay and i'm glad we didn't see it in nyc as we planned, because someone would've gotten really mad, if he went on a tirade about bareback mountain. (not my boyfriend, he's not a phobe) the best line, "oh roger! what alliteration!" though is matthew broderick trying to get some attention now that his wife is so much more glam? ah, remember the early days when he was ferris and so much more popular? that's why u never know what can happen and your partner, if they are the right one will be with you thru thick and thin and your ebbing and flowing levels of success. guess that's why puff and jennifer never made it...both were too ambitious and needed the spotlight at the same time.

now i'm just trying to get my ish together for everything that's coming into full swing, the youth workshop i'm doing this weekend, jenna chow interview for rice, my vietnamese class, my new writing group, the return to iyengar yoga, the new year...of the doggystyle! paying off my debts, moving into the era of no cheques....rhia's dinner partay...little brother coming into town...ya, it's all coming together. all for now.

so u know you're getting older when...

or maybe we should think of it as getting wiser, and gaining experience, and learning from those experiences because that's what classifies as growth. kinda like not having a lot of money, but knowing what to do with the money you have.

the longer we stay in this life, the more we should become open to the possibilities and realities of our existence.

i'm gonna go on one of those.."i never thought i would"...road. like mos def and common say, "never say never because to say never say never you done said never twice". and like chris rock says, whatever you hate will end up in your family.

so i never thought i would be able to use tampons or contact lenses...i got both licked, and last week, at the same time.

i never thought that i would have a working relationship with my father, but i guess he's learned a few things too with his years, mellowed out, and i've learnt not to let the past get caught up, or to hold on too much to settling scores.

i never thought that i would want to pursue a job that actually pertains to my degree, and now i know that i must and that that is what i'm doing. that is what will make me happy, make me feel like i'm doing something important. i never thought i would be strong enough to try to get past the copout.

i never thought i would go back to the piano. i never thought i could play jazz. i never thought that i would forgive myself for not applying myself to the music. i do. i never thought that i would actually succumb to the meal ticket that the instrument was seemingly providing for me a year ago. i never thought i could be exploited by someone who i trusted and respected. i never thought i would forget that i knew all along that that was the type of person that she is. i never knew how easy it would be to get that reality check on a beautiful summer night in new york city. i never thought that i would forgive myself for not really believing that that's the way i should go. i do. i don't count out the possibility. i never thought i would contemplate selling my first set of keys. i am. i should. it's holding me back and i have to let it go.

i'm stressed, my skin won't let me forget it. my body won't let me forget it. i need to de-tox. i need to let go, i need to prioritize. i need to get right. i need to go back to the basics. i have to trust in love. i need to trust in instinct.

i have to take one of the biggest risks of my life. it's going to be one of the most important things that i do. it seems like the easiest, simplest thing that i'm going to do.

i never thought that i would  believe in love. i never thought that i would not believe in love. romantic love seemed to be impossible to me. i stopped settling, i stopped fooling myself, i stopped selling myself short, and then it found me. he found me. and we haven't looked back since.

i never knew that there could be one. i never fully believed in fidelity, in marriage, in futures, in eternity. and then he asks me an hour ago "do you want to be with me forever?" and without a doubt, i told him "yes". and it brought a few tears of joy out of my ducts...and i still want to be that duck. werd.

i never believed in moving for love. but then the key to all these things is that you don't believe until you do. and i'm still the same, i haven't really changed, i am loyal, until i'm not. but this time, i don't see an end in sight.

i never believed my mortality until my head was smashed open and stiched back again with 8 stiches. i never believed in exams until i had the greatest experience of my life when i got my jazz performance degree from the LCM. i never believed in love until i embraced it seven months ago. i never believed i would be robbed until i got off the plane and saw it. i always believed that it might be so simple and now i'm finally trying to let my vision coincide with my actuality. and tell my dad. whew.

ok, so my fun with cameras is coming to an end, until i get my own. with the immense help of my technical half this week, i've been able to provide such detailed pictorals of my life in the city. i could come up with just as colourful accounts from vancouver, and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't inspired to do just that. gotta get a computer too. (sigh). but the mag says i can use theirs so maybe i can just get some more skills. i hate friendster right now, because it allows all these new photos to be up, but it's inconsistent to when it takes or not. anyways, asides aside, for our last day of dawdling together, we leisurely headed into the city to get another cell count, the walked around lexington again for a bit, headed on the 6 (not to the bronx) to city hall and the brooklyn bridge. i love new york. i have to say that. that station though isn't the "subway" rather the "svbway". we hung out on broadway and went to spend some time with familials...sushi, street nuts, street muffs (that match my jacket) and we headed off up broadway to look for dean & deluca for the boys and strolled leisurely through soho all the way. i went into bloomingdales just to say i did, h&m, yellow rat bastard, and got a sick pair of embroidered taylor-esques. we just had fun being silly and looking at stuff...roamed around d&d sampling smoked salmon and talking up the display guy about crackers, taking an oreo brownie wich was sooo sick. i shared it with the subway worker in his cage. we headed to 42nd station to go to times square and do a touristy thing. we stopped to watch the subway breakers and drummers (with pots and pans and everything) and to take in the art. we bought a bootleg in the station, and it reminded me so much of viet nam! we made it to times square and wanted to eat at bubba gump's shrimp, but it was too long of a wait, so we traipsed through toys r us because my baby didn't believe that you could get swirly lollypops anymore. he also got a ninja turtle. i had to go to virgin to get the new jamie foxx and i almost forgot on broadway that i got a $2 porno and a hand held sewing machine. gotta love it. we finally made it back to queens and dropped in to watch battlestar gallactica (can't really say i'm into it). more luvin' and now i'm just trying to get as much computer stuff in before i get on a plane to come home. (sigh) and to work. all4now.

so, love goes on...we didn't make it to brooklyn last nite, but we did go to the moon. again. when i came back to earth, i was awakened by "baby, i got a pizza and some chicken" (i vaguely remember going into dreamland saying "we still have to go for chicken because i'm dreaming of a rotisserie chicken leg.." i stumbled into the main room, amazed that my contacts have been going so strong, and there is a candlelit table with cushions close to my man, and a domino's pizza. u know i have to be in love because normally there would be no way i would go near that ish, let alone twice in one week. but i guess you gotta go with who delivers. afterwards, we engaged in a friendly competitive game of scrabble. i won narrowly the first time, but got whooped royally the next round. i may have an extensive vocabulary, but i think i lack the street smarts it takes to really dominate that game. how is it that someone who likes words as much as i do has yet to acquire that game? someone out there reading, please take the hint...i like the travel version too, the letters stay in place. and yet more respect for my partner...but curses to the triple word score. weary but lexicon satiated nonetheless, we stumble back to the bed....(sigh) i could get used to this, but alack (alas) life awaits back at home...but i think i'll be refreshed and inspired after all of this...love. today we took care of incidentals, finally doing laundry and dishes and all that. i discovered the blender, but had to blend in the bedroom because i couldn't work the plugs in the kitchen, so i ended up pouring blender drinks over the bathroom sink so as to not leak on the hardwood and feeding my boo behind the curtain. we also did laundry in some interesting outfits, so the super busted us...damn. but we did look like crazy people. we took a long walk in another surprisingly mild night and went for some greek food that put stepho's to shame. we had lamb gyros, rice and potatoes, greek salad and veggies, tzaziki and pita, and a killer custard and greek coffee. greek coffee is something else. it's just a little bit, but straight up, kinda sweet and earthy, and i think i have a new love. we headed across the street next to peep Syriana, which is an important movie because it points the finger right at American intentions to keep strife in the middle east in order to secure oil, but it showed much more than that, with a focus on family....makes me wonder about Soderburgh and his motivations as well as supporters. well, we're trying to do some work on our pix right now, so stay tuned.

wink wink nudge nudge *****(sigh)****ok, so as i was accused of writing too long blogs, i'll try to keep it short and sweet, but there has been so much packed into this trip that i don't want to miss anything.

start out with jonathan putting in my contact for me again, since it jumped out at the ricepaper office a few days before i left. sleepover at the rents and a beautiful sukiyaki meal (get some eggs dammit)

my nonstop craving for eggs and indian food is satiated when my vegetarian special meal comes on the plane and it's indian food..yummy. and i ate first and everything. i couldn't work the tv, but i listened to some beautiful jazz and kept my window shade open to enjoy the sunny winter afternoon with my sunglasses that noah jacked from a nun. i got the whole set of three chairs to myself and sprawled out accordingly. i couldn't get off that plane fast enough though, believe that.

as soon as i cleared customs, i raced into the lounge, and i saw uncle dave first, but there was my boo...all matching me in his red, and we had a nice cuddle and catchup. we rolled up to the apartment that is on loan to us, in queens, and got settled. it's a sweet spot. we walked over to keep it low key with a homemade meal and watch dick clark ring in the new year post stroke on tv, and then we played some video games and watched the advent children, which i had seen months past at a particular art party of durian's.

then our first nite and lounging about...we hooked back up with some friends and headed into queens for thai food (it was their 2nd or 3rd nite open) and had some photo ops up austin street. we got some ice cream and rented Team America (sans 15 minute inappropriate sex scene) and watched Family Guy. it was all good, but the best part was the bookending of the cuddlage.

oh, and how much do i love kiss 98? i've had the radio on constantly, i don't even turn it off at nite, i just turn it down, because of the old skool jams and new r&b, but i've never loved a station like this, it's what groove me used to be for me on cfro, except it never turns off.

more hanging out, the garbage shoot that you saw in the previous blog, then into manhattan to meet up with more good folks for vegan indian and into brooklyn to hang out and down some vegan cake. chillin' and politicking, having the important conversation that i've been waiting to have about kanye west. "that's the carpet, get off the soapbox"..."can you put your shoes on?!" back to the city and to sin sin and i'm reminded yet again why i love new york. you walk into an intimate club, and the funk band is playing and the open mic is flowing..."let me kick something that means something" and i got to see my man and his emcee partner kick it (yes you can!) while we danced in the corner.

on the subway home, we were re-routed and got to talk about a lot of different things, and i'm seriously considering moving here....(sigh) but i gotta stay on the plan to move closer...but it's looking so sweet. i can't fall just for the infatuation of it though...but my gut is telling me that i'm on the right track. THE 6 TRAIN GOES TO THE BRONX.

yesterday, we went into the city again to get some cell tests and rolled down lexington, where we met first. we went into my hotel that was being reno'd at the time and it looks exactly the same. i dropped some money in arcade america, and i can't say that i'm sad about that. we went into the library that i found on my last day in the city last time, and it was closed. we got some mexican food at chipotle, this really nice restaurant, i had a burrito without the wrap, with spicy pinto beans, tomato salsa, really nice steak, and guacamole. my baby had the same thing with the wrap...and we had a nice photo shoot in the booth. on the way home, we got some groceries for this morning and went to try to rent  "me, you and everyone we know" from the video store down the block, but the guy was convinced that it didn't come out yet..we also went into the back section and had a laugh at the musty, limited ass porn collection...but even though they only had 8 movies in there, one was of grannies, and a few were gay, so you gotta represent. so we had to use our imaginations...

this morning, we had our special fruit and yogurt breakfast...my baby designed it all, and we took some commemorative photos with the sekoya cd that i brought here for c. we've piddled about until now, and stepped out to the diner that we've walked by a few times, but it was nice, we actually ate there and it was all good. now we're waiting to see where the night brings us, my money's on brooklyn. peas out.

on the streets of new york. first borough: queens. i'm surprised how mild it is out (i was running around in lingerie) and because i'm not in manhattan in the steamy, aroma filled sticky icky, i can appreciate the art in the garbage around. post holiday and all of that. check it out.