a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

wow...it's been an emotional couple of days for me...i've been stressed because i'm leaving my job soon, i'm going to new york soon, and i've been thrown off my rocker because i'm not exactly sure about my situation after, but i think that that's good for me, to be a bit shocked. i think i have this inherent need to just push myself into behaving rashly every now and again so that i can test my survival skills, but like DC said....and btw, i have michelle and beyonce on my myspace, heehee..just gotta find kelly for the trilogy!

i've had to examine my relationships lately, or my lack thereof...but in terms of love like ones, i'm just gonna have to let them be...and trust that everything happens for a reason. i've been down this road too many times before to overthink it...all i know is that the one that i thought would be there isn't, the one that never was still remains so, the one i wouldn't expect is actually coming through when i need him (for various purposes...shit, i don't think we'll ever be together together, but we may just have some damn kids...) and that ex that i would consider going back to, is around to joke about marriage and such...(sigh). whatever. i'll just work with what's feasible and tangible for now...

i had the greatest talk with my dad the other night when i was freaking out about my exam, and he told me that he was always in my corner and that he loved me and sometimes we're not successful right away, but it's ok..and it was sooo amazing. if only he could've been there for me like that, or he could've been able to express something so simple when i was in highschool, or maybe if i could've been willing or able to listen to him then, then it would be ok...but it's never too late, and i feel like it was all worth it.

so, this exam, i may have bombed completely, but meeting this adjudicator was an amazing and inspiring experience for me because he was so accomodating and helpful and put me at ease, showed me a few things, and said some reassuring things, i felt great about bombing it...like when laurel bowman failed my paper in third year, but told me that it was the best paper she read in 8 classes of grading...that's the kind of shit that life's about. it makes me want to get off this procrastination rotation station already and become a real musician though, better believe that. for sure. well, just had to blog about that and i'm gonna go now, and try to organize my trip to victoria for wednesday.

oh, visited the rhs the other day and decided to take english 12 in summer school with the legend known as remi vicente....aaahh! all4now. love you all!

funny how my ass always seems to find so much when i'm not working at the store. oh well, now that they've fired the hussey, i am for sure not going back, because him not "being a good fit with the company" just exemplifies my every contempt for "the company"...but only a couple more weeks now! yippee!

the weather seems to co-operate too...as soon as i'm off, gia comes over so we can practice for the caberet, but not before we go to the jjbean, for my second mocha of the day (this explains why i'm so wired for the next over 24) and we banter with the staff and i borrow the cup and bring it back, i think i have to start drinking coffee now, we had such a good time.

s. and i talked and i think we're going to have the kind of relationship that jerry and elaine had, but i'll be jerry, just for the sake of continuity. i talked to wheels earlier that day too, so i can now be known as someone who actually can communicate with her exes..whoo hoo!

i got a late nite call that i was hoping for, and charbroiled?! it was my third of the day...we got caughtup and involved, wore parkas and talked and didn't. i think the order on the mixtape is tight...and sent a cool message, though i just looked and he erased my shit again...grrrrrr....oh well, these ar-teests...sexxy beasts.

i went home and caught a few hours of zzz's then headed to richmond to meet my daddy. i met this little old lady aussie and she told me her life story, gotta love public transit.

then, i went to rhs and went into the new edifice and got caught up with remi, i'm going to attend his summer school class and work towards my ged.

tears came to my eyes when i met oreo's kids again, and her house is awesome but it was some crayzee weird shit to see the adults captivated by american idol, screw it, i enjoyed the afternoon in the back yard piggybacking the loinfruits and wrestling the dog. quick veggieburger dinner then i was on my way home...sleep...ah, now it's yoga and back to the practice, only a few more days and then i get to go to new york! and quit my job! yippee....guess me n' mizthang is single again....but it's summer peoples! dialate! all4now.

a question asked by Jerri Blank and her school, but one that i've been thinking of the past couple of days.

anyone who's called me in the past month, or who isn't completely living with their heads in the sand knows that May 17th was election day. it came and went, and all i can say is "apathy is a social cancer". i swear, if it was 'erection day', then i think things would've been a bit different. don't you find it ironic that only immigrants in this country seem to have this sense of urgency to vote, and there are so many people that i've talked to that would've voted, but they weren't eligible yet...damn. i guess you never know what you've got till it's gone.

speaking of, i voted early, and in the evening went to hear Mr. Cho Van Le speak. this gentleman escaped Viet Nam as a refugee through Cambodia and listening to him, he could've been my dad or my uncles ..ah that rambling, emotional beautifully woven storytelling style that i know i come from...it made me want to learn how to write Vietnamese even more and learn more about the history, my history...connecting me back to my trip..he did try to make a point about how it's difficult to adjust here because women were not breadwinners in VN and they didn't talk back, but i know from first hand experience that neither one of those points is true.

oh, and i am considering running for public office in 2009, for the green party.

i've been walking much more because i don't want to spend the bus tickets, that i can't even give away, mind you, because i want to recycle the paper and the trips, but everyone seems to have a pass in my neighborhood...what's up with that? and how do i get on that gravy train?

i've been looking for a scooter to no avail, and i even tried to drive an electric one around the pawn shop for a hot minute, but that didn't work out. i don't really have the money for that, and besides, i just got my stitches out yesterday, i'm not looking to get them re-done anytime soon.

my baby sis (i'm dropping the "step" from the title now officially) in the OC sent me the best gift ever! this collection of "rock and roll cats" postcard set, and they are literally cats dressed up in outfits in different situations...remind me of your mailing addresses, and you may get something special in the mail. i have the one in a letterman's jacket on the turntables up on my piano right now.

i've been learning more about chinese horoscopes, and i find it interesting that the west first found out about it not from the chinese, but from the french who were colonizing viet nam. crazy, huh?

well, gotta run back to the studio, and get ready for this exam! wish me luck! love ya! all4now.

till my hands were red. out out damn spot indeed.

ok, let's back up some, shall we? friday morning, i was so excited to have some time alone to chillax and take my sweet ass time getting ready for work, yadi yadi, even stole a few minutes extra to check myself out in the mirror...ah, little did i know what was coming for me as a punishment for slipping into a sea of narcissism!

i run into one kanye person at the bustop and we enjoy a transit into the downtown core together, so i'm kinda giddy..something about this cat does that to me. business as usual until about 8pm.

i go into the back and start closing and pow, i come up into the metal brace of the shelf and stumble a bit, then look down at my hands and my shirt and feel my own blood coming into my eyes...i'm a bit alarmed, and i think the sight of my own blood freaked me out and prevented me from passing out. lucky one of my coworkers was the calm one and took over the situation, my gay husband could only keep repeating, "i told them (the ambulance) that she broke her head"...it was all good, and they finally came and took me to the hospital. i waited for a few hours, then was told that i needed a tetanus shot and i was getting some freezing(via another needle) in my head, and they were gonna do this at the same time. damn. you'd think they would have paced it a bit better than that! oh well, i survived, and i have about 8 stitches holding me together right now, spanning over the "perfect laceration" as they called it.

i was a bit afraid to go to sleep that nite, so i called kanye and told him that, and he came over, despite his migrane and need to wear these huge shades, so we were nursing our head injuries together, and that was pretty comforting. we also got to talk about some things that we didn't the first time around, and now i feel like i'm never gonna see him again, but that's ok, somehow. i haven't had any more pain in the dome, and i get my stitches out on wednesday.

yesterday, i stayed home from work and it was nice to chill and watch degrassi and sleep for most of the day. my father came through with some food and they helped me get my water, so i was a happy girl...s. also called me, and it was nice to hear his voice....for the life of me, i don't think i will ever understand cats, ever. there, i said it. oh well, that's where what's left of my head is at. all4now. vote dammit! tomorrow!!!!

hello world..operating on sooo little sleep the past few days, let's start with what i forgot: ok. kevin smith (director of silent bob fame) came into the store, and i was actually starstruck, which is kinda ludacris considering the celebs i've met lately..

speaking of luda, i finally met up with my redbull donning compatriate and we had a pleasant dinner with her bro and preggers ex-dj friend at the foundation..yummers yummers. afterwards, we all rolled to the corner of main and broadway, into the Lee building, and y'all know how much i love to look at apartments, and this one is in a gorgeous building, though none of the rooms nor the elevator looks like it could accomodate ana-stesia...(sigh) the sacrifices, not really, of having a passion for an instrument. i walked out feeling very satisfied with my arms laden down with vinyl to decorate the place (mine, and yes, i'm still looking for a vinyl player) oh, back to the first point, it was strongly recommended that i see 'crash' and i thought of kanye. i'm roaming around the iga, and who do i run smack dab into, but kanye. i don't know why i'm so surprised, we do live on the same street...but we were both thinking of eachother and that movie, so we went to see it. it was a pleasant experience (hanging out) and the movie was soooo phenomenally acted, paced, everything...clearly my new fave. on the way home, things got a little awkward as i was juggling texts/calls from a certain adorable marmot and i knew i was being kinda rude to the one i was with. i didn't think that he would react with extreme lifting and carrying of my person to my front door...i'm not sure what that was about, and we have yet to talk about it..go figure.

i had a couple hours sleep, and made it to yoga for 630am. then i met Jerri and we experienced the elbow room, and i accosted strangers and made them sit with us (par for the course), then we found ourselves at home hardware and wandering about downtown..i was kinda fading, so i went home for a nap. i woke refreshed, practiced a bit, and then headed out to jjbean to meet my prom queen. we both knew we would see the illest, and we did.

back home to practise and eat the remains of my goman salad...i touched base with dan and we end up watching Strangers With Candy. i get caught up with various girls on the phone and there's going and coming and coming and going (get OFF the nuclear warhead). very little sleep again, and now i'm realizing probably only about 6 hours in the past 2 days...damn damn damn damn.

gotta teach my afternoon set of classes still, and got a call from NDD of the 323 so i'm feeling pretty good, groggy, but good. i zoned past my bus stop and now i have to pay for another fare...grrr....oh well, it could be worse, i just found the degrassi dvd at the library, so i'm sure it balances out. all4now.

of mammals is something, isn't it....well, the days have flown by and change is in the air...rebirth of sorts, getting right. i made contact with the redbull generosity minister and maybe we will hook up tonight and pop my foundation cherry...main street, what?! i'll get to meet her bro too, and her for the first time hanging out since december when we met.

we said goodbye to the linders yesterday and the changeover has started. at the end of the week, it will be goodbye jerri, we have a date planned tomorrow to go to the elbow room, that should be interesting, he better eat my toast. i gotta finish that album too, damn.

i picked out another good song for the girls...wow...what a talent. i actually got the boycraziest one to sing, not flap her gums about dumb white boys (victoryyyyy!)

my mentor forgot where i live, and after losing my buspass to a locker door at the YWCA and not being able to jimmy it out with a wire hanger, i've decided that i'm not buying another one, and walked home from Main and Terminal...on my way up the road, i figured i should shout at one adorable mute-ant and his counterpart, the illest. what a fluke that they happened to be together and it set off an evening of silliness. i played my barrelhouse for the celebrity on vibraphone, christened his source magazine and annexed his pillow as my knees tingled from the music that was made. next up, we jumped across barrels to drop in on the studio, i was denied the seat on the pummel horse, and our visit was summed up by this quote, "how much you wanna bet that that is colin james' motorbike?"

homeward bound up main and i can't sleep cuz i'm a bit giddy so i start to play (on soft pedal as a courtesy to my already gracious neighbors) and i get pleasantly surprised by the action of my phone until it cuts out, but it's cool. i don't set my alarm.

this morning, i'm troving the streets for my paper, but it seems that all the boxes of dose have been removed from the street and i'm lost to read about the debate on radio yesterday from the metro whilst sipping my chai. now i'm at the library (kingsgate mall) where folks are kinda agressive with the lineup. oh well, i'll walk by broadway/kingsway on the way home, i think there's a box there..damn. i'm feenin'....for what, for what?....all4now.

funny how this colour keeps its nearness to me, and how i can feel it...envy, money, the beauty of erykah's "green eyes"..

so, post breakupage, and after an amazing day of apricot gelati and conversation with the illest...i meet up with my father for lunch in richmond, and it's my weekly reminder of Viet Nam and i am blessed because our relationship is finally getting better.

i'm on the street thinking i can make it back on the same transfer, and who do i run into but an old girl from junior high, who's on her way to an internet cafe to find my ass, for reals, she has a letter that i wrote to her from second year university on alien baby paper lamenting Satan from the first time i met him! we get caught up and i am reminded of blessings in terms of the universe sending you who you need when you need them.

later on that evening, i head to drive on the drive to see my phenom perform again, and marvel at how much better she's getting...my frim fram baby, the haters can hate all they like, but this one's gonna be a star, i'm calling it. there were some other wonderful performers, like the girl who played her guitar and sang "another lonely day" and "sitting on the dock of the bay"..(sigh) reminding me of lovers past...i was so inspired that i jumped up on the mic myself, and performed some of my peaces, and felt blessed that i made that decision and did it, rather than just have thought about it later. made my way over to the new nunez fam residence, and can really see the progress made in renovations. gave the youngest sister a pep talk about not really wanting to work herself out of a "sitchy-ation" and realized how blessed i am that i have a connection and trust with youth...

thursday, my classes went well, i have a renewed sense of confidence that my own playing will come together, and i am blessed to have such a talented and open mentor. the old man cancelled on me so i was able to make it to the candidate's forum at the media club for the last hour. it was great, i finally filed my affiliation with the Green Party, met the MLA in my riding (and was invited to her bbq tomorrow!) talked with party members there and got my button. picked up one for MGB too, a pink one..i think he should vote rhino, his favorite animal.

still kinda floating, i get home and receive a call from the illest...and make my way back to the gelati spot for so taste-tactical theatrics...feel bad about the spoons wasted, and invite myself along to retrieve the headphones from the celebrity's spot. i end up taking this tape, the remnants of what had to be a 120 miniter all down main st, from 14th to 2nd, and it withstood being run over by cars, people trying to sabatoge, and some benedict arnold action from my own camp. from there, there was shared vernacular, duck visiting, lanky lifting, shoe admiration, sexy beast, and global bonding. all in all, all good.

yesterday, had a decent day at work, got some groceries and cooked some food, intending to chill and sleep, but got patterns interrupted by insomniatic recording stars...but had a good laugh over it.

i may have lost my bus pass in my locker today, but i'll hope for the best. all4now.

cuz i'm still here.that's the truth, and i feel better than i have in a couple mostly because i'm not at work, and the goat men (caps) in my life have been making sure i'm fed for the past two days! (the irritability in the hypo-allergenic diet/homeopathic remedy has been kind of rough).

i've gone through a shift in my circle in the past few days....first of all, i got together with kanye on saturday nite and we had the chillest, nicest time where we just got caught up, smoked on the corner, bumped an ill track with his hero and mine (kelis and andre3000) on repeat and lounged on my makeshift loveseat blazed and watching The Pest. it's funny how we laugh at the same things and can finish eachother's sentences...i decided that it was time that we were friends, and it seemed to work out well. we mutually shelled pistachios for eachother and that was the extent of the intimacy,though it was pretty freaking intimate. there wasn't that sexual tension that there usually is, because i'm pretty far removed from that right now, and i know that he couldn't be my man anyways, so i'm satisfied that he seems to be my friend. we made no promises, but for once i felt like we didn't have to.

sunday nite was the rooty reunion that we were thinking because there wasn't anyone superfluous around. those who form that warm centre which is the heart of that store were in attendance and we all welcomed mamaG to her new nest, watched the babies scrap it out, and took some 90210 like shots.

monday nite was something else, and i'll leave it at MGB's summation that by morning, it was the 'emancipation of angie' of sorts. once again, rolling solo and not dealing with it very well for that evening, i understand the reasons and limitations and honestly wish him well.

yesterday, i meandered down main to kinder's files of my photos for uploation and updated my various profiles....then i met up with the illest homie from the 206 and we had some curry from the reef and gelati from the street.

it was the nicest time that we had together, hanging out and talking about everything and unveiling important somethings and sharing tidbits about music and hearing some new tracks, and talking about love and agreeing that it is unconditional, period. Didn't cha know, didn't cha know....he said this poetry....i'm a hella good dj. 

i am so greatfull for everyone who has dropped me a call or a line in the last few days and i know that i continue to be blessed with a beautiful circle of beautiful folks. change is good and flux is natural, everyone is in your life for a reason and folks just keep popping up. I LOVE YOU!all4now.