a girl's whose name begins and ends with "a"

perhaps because i just sent a request to whitney on myspace, i'm inspired by the concept of self-love and what that feels like when one can reflect on this holiday as being the best ever because i'm surrounded by loved ones, relations and not, and see that i really am happy with who i am at this moment and the moments that have come up to this point.

the holidays have never been the best of times for me, but that's been largely due to my surroundings, situations, and most of all, to my mental state, which is of course, in a reciprocal, circular relationship to everything else.

not that i'm all for the rampant capitalism of it all (one of my coworkers was thinking of getting me an advent calendar so i wouldn't "miss" christmas, how can you miss it, it's rammed down your throat since october) and i maintain that waking up in 25 degree weather in viet nam and going swimming in an outdoor pool after enjoying warm soy milk on the side of the road before boarding a motorcycle probably against regulations here with your family is the best christmas i've ever spent, but that was because this one hasn't happened yet. since i'm in the middle of it, i'm forecasting nothing but good from here on out.

this year, i'm more aware of my blessings, or maybe just more calmly accepting that i am worthy of them. it's 6 days until i'm going to be with the love of my life, and if i hadn't met him earlier in the year, i don't think i would be feeling this way so acutely right now. since i've known him, i've been more focused, more positive, and more inspired to get my shit together and live my life to the fullest. i can't wait to see him, be a cuddle monster (no getting up for work, only cuddling!), ride the staten island ferry, and make some more plans.

i'm writing now and i went to the hobnob/free food gala affair a few days ago ( i heart tandoori chicken.) and i did some major fraternizing with the brightest and the best in asian canadian cultural iconage. i found out that the editor in chief of my magazine is someone i had an english class with at uvic years ago and i remembered that she did her presentation on porn. small, small, world, but that gives us hope that we will all come together and the cause is within sight and therefore within accomplishment. i can't wait to see what's coming. rave reviews to the kamikaze girl reaction (www.ricepaperonline.com) from most eds, and i'm gonna get my bio up yet...it's gonna be exciting y'all.

my employers got me a $30 gift card to Chapters and some "jet lag tea" and it's really nice to work for a small company that cares for their workers. you know what this means, right? yep, i'm building my david sedaris collection! one shouldn't hoard, but i can't help it...i'm a sucker for literacy! dammit!

my second christmas with my gay husband and he did not disappoint. we walked (unheard of for him really, i guess we all go through evolution) to davie to go to stepho's as per tradition, but the lineup was so long that we might have had to resort to eating badly dressed (i.e. roots wearing) fags on the street, so we went to try out a new indian bistro instead. the food was to die for, but the service was a bit confused, and the man in a turban greeting with exagerrated emphasis on SHARING was a bit much. however, we stuffed ourselves, got caught up, and speculated on who were the "daddies" in the restaurant and why the other table refused to eat any of their food. you know i can't stand wasting! with a belly full of chocolate after walking around to true confections and getting some bitchy service from a dessert faggot, and going through You and Whose Army (one of my new favorite boutiques) i toted my new! lecoqsportif handbag as we strolled up our old stomping grounds and shook our heads at all the poor Robson Street wage slavers that had to be working at 11pm on a thursday night. Here's to that not being us anymore! we've officially severed our roots, and because it's a year after the fact, i'm no longer ashamed of naming names, and besides, who doesn't know of that "prehistoric relationship" to borrow the wise words of Amalia.

out of the crew, we're all out but one, who has moved up in the ranks, but that's another story. i dropped by a copy of late registration for him so that maybe he (who introduced me to Ye in the first place) can also touch the sky because i hear that spaceships are hard to come by.

i dropped by last night to my dearest from that crew (other than MGH) and spent some quality time with her loinfruit, who made last christmas so wonderful for me despite the lack of familial acknowledgement...and it was nice to catch up and see them grow and go through their gamut of emotions, and see them make themselves crazy over opening presents. we actually were able to have a few moments together too, to talk about things and reflect on where life has taken us over the past year. oh, and two plates of turkey dinner and pecan/pumkin pie...i was thinking of you bri.

next up, my second family when i want to have many many siblings...and what's the first thing you do in any immigrant family? eat. yep, another plate of food, though this was mostly salad and proscuito, some rice and wrapping it all up, vietnamese style. new friends and i got to be part of the present opening traditon and i added more, like "display, display!" and i was all tuckered out watching forrest gump in a hot room, too tired to rant about it, but i'll have some someday. run forrest, run!

and now, i'm getting set to see my actual family, with the best relations between my dad and the wifey ever (met her loinfruit a few weeks ago) and it's going to go well, i haven't seen this part of the fam in years, and i'm one up on the situation because i'm not going to be the brunt of the fat jokes (popular theme in my family..but i'm not even a bit festively plump right now, alas....) and i speak vietnamese now...not to go into it automatically on the defensive...i am bringing with me granville island tea and a sunny disposition.

and to wrap the evening? i'm gonna hitch a ride back to richmond and hook up with mc, and my other longtime second second home, and we're gonna hit the clubs. burlesque and pancakes at my house partay minus one. see u there.

ah, so affirming to see yourself reflected in films, especially when your viewing partner is the fabulous fag haggy meat lover, LC Hammer! She really is like Momoko, and I'm like Ichiko, if you want to get very simplistic about things, but just see the movie dammit because it's soooo great!

it was also nice because we reunited and were able to talk about the conundrum that i've otherwise been bottling in, not sharing with my friends, and has probably contributed to the fact that my skin is still not clearing up, oh the stress...but i've decided what i'm going to do (the right thing) and my friends have only affirmed that this is what is right, but my favorite harujiku girl was there with me in the ooooh! waffling because opportunities do not come so easy to go through the back door!

she also provided moral support when i got my contacts out of my eyes for the last time last night, because i wanted to rock my new red sunglasses after dusk until they gave me a headache. i was in and out of the optical all day to savour my new flavour and getting used to my own face, which i haven't seen so clearly, since, ever.

the night before, i was also at tinseltown, walking there via paramount and granville 7 with my newly claimed LA Face with the BC booty, Mosaik, who i had to bitchslap when he was trying to tell the transit cops that he was "from Los Angelos"...naaw man, you're from here! even Luda couldn't make 323 flow into 604....

but we found ourselves in that same situation of trying to get to a movie and me laughing so hard that i felt like i was going to pee my pants, but it went to a whole new level because i actually DID pee my pants this time, and it was mildly embarassing that i had to remove my underwear and try to blowdry my ass in the mcdonald's on granville street, and walk in the cold trying to avoid the spot by shifting atop my rough toilet paper nest. but i stayed strong and remembered margaret cho's anecdote about shitting herself whilst driving because she was on a persimmon diet. and also, it's great that i have friends that can make me laugh so.

earlier in the day, we decorated toxic cookies at granville island and slipped around eating the stems of figs because i don't waste anything. ah, the company of old friends and new rooibos.

we chatted up the tinseltown employees and ended up seeing water, because i couldn't convince him to see c.r.a.z.y. which is gonna be the next big viewing for me, i think. it was a bit disappointing because i've come to expect so much from deepa mehta, but i'm not regretful that i saw it. we had a big bag of popcorn, and later a discussion of cock porn, so all in all, it was a great visit. "so, how should we draft that email....?"

other than that, i'm gonna close out the Ridge Theatre this evening with the World's Greatest Commercials and the last hole on my punch card, and my social calendar is filled right up with visits and the partay i'm planning on extreme short notice, but it will be hot. Then, it's NYC for NYE....in 11 days baby!

my first time in seattle since the last time i dated a brian...and i have to report on how life works in mysterious circles, and how it influences what circles you roll in.

rollin' with the boys to the 206 on a specific mission to buy shelving for their new digs in yaletown (where i will be staying after my vacation with my huffs...and my lumps..my lady lumps. from my aquarian to the aquarius apartments...) i decide to try to knit on my way down, but i have a headache and i get as far as knitting a scarf for duckypoos, their travelling companion, who has been with them on every vacation they've ever been on.

i just scored a book called "wacky chicks" by Simon Doonan and it's all about us unconventional "ladies" (we usually have to be coached into this by the gay men in our lives) and as Magic commented at work, it's nice to see a gay man who's not a misogynist...indeed, and guess what, it's my new favorite book. he features Amy Sedaris as well, who i'm the biggest gerri-atric fan of, EVER. but how fitting that this wacky chick took a little roadtrip with her gay mens. it is suggested that wacky chick and gay mens are the perfect compliment to eachother, and i believe that is true.

speaking of wacky chicks, i finally say Revolution by Margaret Cho, and it's amazing, especially her "I do not want to be a geisha recounting my memoirs. what would i say anyway? today, i put on my makeup and it made me look all white and shit. next, this huge wig that is soo heavy and it just makes your head look like a shamrock. oh, then i spent the rest of my day being a ho. my publisher, who is also my postman, just suggested that i do a rant on the geisha shit out now, and i'm trying to do a cross review with kamikaze girls. gotta contacts the theatres. i can't believe that the ridge is going out of bizness! aaahhh..does this mean that after over 7 years of procrastinating, i'll have to see baraka? i think i might.

kanye closed his tour in vancouver last night, and it was amazing. who else sandwiches his dj between a drummer and a full out strings section (a harp and everything) and then roots' crew keys playa...(sigh) a full set and costume changes, glitter from the sky, and an entire mostly apathetic (i'm starting to change my mind) vancity audience throwing up lights and diamonds for the ROC (sorry Ye, i have to draw the line somewhere). but i was grooving to all the prince referentials and i didn't even have to wait all night for Spaceship, my favorite shit ever! but yes, TOUCH THE SKY, TOUCH IT DAMMIT! read the myspace blog cuz i don't want to repeat myself but it was a different world like Cree Summers.

OK, back to the Sea-town revolution....i had some fun in Target, trying on J-lo fur coats and contemplating getting one, but decided not to. I mostly kept my spending minimal or on gifts, and we had a nice lunch at Nordstrom's. (cherry popped) I love pistachios in my salad with grapes and chicken and black cherry vinaigrette. mmmmmm....

then, i freaking lost my mind and all of my control when we pulled up to Trader Joe's (the one by university) because i have never seen so much amazing food for so cheap before. highlights? green tea mochi ice cream bars, cranberry hibiscus tea, dried edamame, dried dragon fruit, sweet rice flour for baking, ginseng soda, sweet/savory kalamata olive paste, goat cheese feta, stilton with mango and ginger, peach salsa, black bean and jalapeno chips....it was like disneyland for this girl, lemme tell you.

all in all, all goood, and i gotta go.....it's about the poop. speaking of, everybody needs to see "you, me and everyone we know". it freaking rocks. peas.

addendum: ok, i forgot to mention that i finally met the eldest loinfruit of my father's wife and he's an amazing guy. we met because he's working in seattle by way of dallas until july, so there will be more bonderation to come, i'm sure. his band, the new math, opened lollapalooza in dallas, and he let his wife get on a motorcycle with some dude while looking for a laundromat in prague. yep. we had a weekend of alaskan king crab and it was a pleasant interaction, perhaps there's hope for the family yet.